Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Owner-worker and the drain of it.
We started with the idea that we can build a better school. Therefore we have to do everything by ourselves: teaching, marketing, cleaning, fixing, selling, making programs, managing kids, parents, and ourselves. I have no time for anything. I think of work 24/7. I have no time. I work. And even if I try to spend most of my time doing the work, it seems it will never be completed. We are on the stage of "worker-bee owners". We work; we manage; we have no time; we have no money.
(Correction. Nathaniel has much more time. He actually has all his time coz he doesn't manage anything. I am writing it to be fair.)
I work. I manage. I have no time. I have no money.
All this could be very depressing if I didn't operate in the "think ahead" mode. The vision of which is to go from bee worker owner to the manager worker. That will be like happy, alleluia moment for me. Imagine, I can use other people's time, talent, and skills to leverage my talent, to produce a better service and deliver to more people. At this point I have more time, more money, more leverage. I don't stop there of course.
The third stage of my evolution is to become an entrepreneur. The business operates on it own through workers and managers. I have time, money, freedom. I created great value for my business.
(Correction. Nathaniel has much more time. He actually has all his time coz he doesn't manage anything. I am writing it to be fair.)
I work. I manage. I have no time. I have no money.
All this could be very depressing if I didn't operate in the "think ahead" mode. The vision of which is to go from bee worker owner to the manager worker. That will be like happy, alleluia moment for me. Imagine, I can use other people's time, talent, and skills to leverage my talent, to produce a better service and deliver to more people. At this point I have more time, more money, more leverage. I don't stop there of course.
The third stage of my evolution is to become an entrepreneur. The business operates on it own through workers and managers. I have time, money, freedom. I created great value for my business.
Enterpreneur- one who starts an endeavor as transl. from French
endeavor
Experiment with failure. Failure is feedback from the system and is so much more informative and valuable that success. In those qualities success can not beat failure. But who wants to fail all the time? Not me. Get myinfo and move on, to the success threshold I need. Enjoy it for a while and start failing but in different endeavours getting the needed feedback.
leadership, management ability, and team-building as essential qualities of an entrepreneur.
Do an inventory of my skills and personality traits. What I possess-check. What I lack-check. What I need- need to get.
Asked my husband: was told I lack aggressiveness.
I substitute it with stubbornness and totally independent thinking. I was thinking the other day how I learn. It came to attention that I never asked:" Is it right? Am I doing right or well?" I sort of look at how others do it, break it down, and work on the way to learn the same skill, doing all the checking against the presented sample by myself. Totally independent in my learning and evaluation of the inner and outer realities.
I am hooked on the idea of evolution and improvement. It is the single reason why I live. The core one. Creative destruction, and innovation, betterment, and creating benefits for larger populations. Understanding and skillfully using available information resources, creating a pool of information from diverse, unrelated sources. Connecting the dots.
And money follows to be used as a bigger leverage to attain the main goal. Evolution.
Experiment with failure. Failure is feedback from the system and is so much more informative and valuable that success. In those qualities success can not beat failure. But who wants to fail all the time? Not me. Get myinfo and move on, to the success threshold I need. Enjoy it for a while and start failing but in different endeavours getting the needed feedback.
leadership, management ability, and team-building as essential qualities of an entrepreneur.
Do an inventory of my skills and personality traits. What I possess-check. What I lack-check. What I need- need to get.
Asked my husband: was told I lack aggressiveness.
I substitute it with stubbornness and totally independent thinking. I was thinking the other day how I learn. It came to attention that I never asked:" Is it right? Am I doing right or well?" I sort of look at how others do it, break it down, and work on the way to learn the same skill, doing all the checking against the presented sample by myself. Totally independent in my learning and evaluation of the inner and outer realities.
I am hooked on the idea of evolution and improvement. It is the single reason why I live. The core one. Creative destruction, and innovation, betterment, and creating benefits for larger populations. Understanding and skillfully using available information resources, creating a pool of information from diverse, unrelated sources. Connecting the dots.
And money follows to be used as a bigger leverage to attain the main goal. Evolution.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Been there, done that
Religion is an institution which has very little or nothing to do with God. I used to call myself a very religious person. It was in the time when I equated religion with spirituality. I have done main Christian denominations:catholics, protestants, and orthodox Christians, as well as Buddhism. Each of them has it own point of fixation.
Catholics are fixated on Crucifixion. With Jesus they would crucify anyone. They will drill into you the concept of sins as a cornerstone of their religious practice, at the same time selling you illusionary idea of forgiveness. Forgive is to forget. And how can I forget when I am being reminded of my sins and my sinful nature at regular intervals of time? "Have you done you confession, my child?" Also fast like Jesus. As a member of orthodox church I had to fast (all animal products excluded) for 40 days in a row. Take a rest and fast again, and there is one fast after another Staying away from some foods from time to time might make up for a good heath advice. But when you starve yourself and are required to analyse your sinfulness.... It's a bit too overstretched for me now.Been there, done that.
Protestants are fixated on justification. They won't pressure you to pray onto crucifix. They are in the business of cleansing, inner child healing, motivation, and in general brightening up your life for a fee. After all, who talks about money when your very well being is at stake? Protestants to me lack depth and complexity. Honestly, I am not entirely comfortable with the oversimplified version of religion and saving process they offer. Been there. Not my thing.
Buddhists are fixated on the joys of godly likeness. Their purpose is to put and keep themselves in the place of balance and homeostasis. Strip yourself from all the ungodly emotions, be calm and disciplined, strategy of withdrawal. Balance is overrated. Emotions are to be felt, and instincts have always served humans well throughout their history.
Been there, tried, done, move on.
Catholics are fixated on Crucifixion. With Jesus they would crucify anyone. They will drill into you the concept of sins as a cornerstone of their religious practice, at the same time selling you illusionary idea of forgiveness. Forgive is to forget. And how can I forget when I am being reminded of my sins and my sinful nature at regular intervals of time? "Have you done you confession, my child?" Also fast like Jesus. As a member of orthodox church I had to fast (all animal products excluded) for 40 days in a row. Take a rest and fast again, and there is one fast after another Staying away from some foods from time to time might make up for a good heath advice. But when you starve yourself and are required to analyse your sinfulness.... It's a bit too overstretched for me now.Been there, done that.
Protestants are fixated on justification. They won't pressure you to pray onto crucifix. They are in the business of cleansing, inner child healing, motivation, and in general brightening up your life for a fee. After all, who talks about money when your very well being is at stake? Protestants to me lack depth and complexity. Honestly, I am not entirely comfortable with the oversimplified version of religion and saving process they offer. Been there. Not my thing.
Buddhists are fixated on the joys of godly likeness. Their purpose is to put and keep themselves in the place of balance and homeostasis. Strip yourself from all the ungodly emotions, be calm and disciplined, strategy of withdrawal. Balance is overrated. Emotions are to be felt, and instincts have always served humans well throughout their history.
Been there, tried, done, move on.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Know thyself knowhow
Know thyself is a subject most discussed in many fields, by numerous authors. The bottom line is knowing thyself is difficult, extremely difficult (sometimes so difficult that it borders with impossible) but imperative, that is not optional, compulsory, you must not and for your own sake should not avoid doing this taxing subject, even though a large proportion of population settles on skipping it all together. In earnest, show me a good number of people being serious about digging their heads and taking courses in this subject matter. People do not bother. We do not like to think. Thinking as a brain activity is excrucinating, takes time and lacks immediate rewards to keep us on it. Whenever we think too much, we remember the experience as painful and try to stay away from it for a period of time at least. Thinking about thyself is like investing my time, energy, taking risks in the search of this lucid something with completely unpredictable results. what is that something? a quality, a feeling,a sense, a connection, a realization, a skill, a what? The authors always promise us colossal awards during and at the end of our course.
I do not need to be convinced how I need to know thyself. I want to start with basics though.
1. Know thyself that when you are young, in your under teens, you are extremely self-centered. If you are lucky and have good people around you, they will teach you how to be less of that egoist because we, as species, depend on each other for survival. at this time you don't care and make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for them later.
2. Know thyself that when you hit puberty, life starts to suck. You are ruled by emotions. You forget all sort of important stuff all the prominent people in your life instruct you in. You overreact constantly; you make mistakes, don't beat yourself up for them.
3. Know thyself that if you manage to meet right people, get abuse free out of your teens and early twenties, and without serious psycho damage, you can do tons of things for yourself. If you happen to pick up that psyho damage, you might expect to do carry it for good while if not forever, and dealing with it. Do not beat yourself up for it.
My point is that the whole education in the Know Thyself subject can be compacted in "Do not beat yourself up for it" phrase. Remember this, and you will be fine.
I do not need to be convinced how I need to know thyself. I want to start with basics though.
1. Know thyself that when you are young, in your under teens, you are extremely self-centered. If you are lucky and have good people around you, they will teach you how to be less of that egoist because we, as species, depend on each other for survival. at this time you don't care and make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for them later.
2. Know thyself that when you hit puberty, life starts to suck. You are ruled by emotions. You forget all sort of important stuff all the prominent people in your life instruct you in. You overreact constantly; you make mistakes, don't beat yourself up for them.
3. Know thyself that if you manage to meet right people, get abuse free out of your teens and early twenties, and without serious psycho damage, you can do tons of things for yourself. If you happen to pick up that psyho damage, you might expect to do carry it for good while if not forever, and dealing with it. Do not beat yourself up for it.
My point is that the whole education in the Know Thyself subject can be compacted in "Do not beat yourself up for it" phrase. Remember this, and you will be fine.
I have my reasons to hate the reason
thinking about my own reasoning, it gets my spiritual self in a great deal of trouble, out of which my spiritual, and therefore true self has to get me out. My reason told me to stay in my kindergarten work for 5 years. My reason told me to slave my ass off at the elementary school for another 5 years. My reason told me to stay married to a jerk for 10 years. I have serious claims against my reason which basically hijacked good 10 years of my life. Left at the mercy of reason I would have been a dead me long ago. Thanks goodness I have a spirit which longs for evolution and continuous growth. When my reason violates me for too long, the spirit rebels. Most of the time happy endings happened, even though I had to count big collateral in form of physical and emotional damage. In the past, I was almost proud of what a rational and reasonable person I was. I was not overwhelmed by or controlled by emotions. I listened to my reason. Now I say reason go to hell. I am going to grow all possible emotional and sensitive tentacles I am capable of growing. I am so getting my senses back; the ones I lost and the ones I never had a chance to develop. If the third eye decides to open, I will welcome it.
This is exactly why I am going to gracefully disregard all the recent reason's demands.
1)work for money 2) get more work for money 3) think about what impression you make on others; they might be your customers after all, read "money" 4) try to please every one else because this is the way to get less harmed 5) prepare to spend another 20 years of your life in Korea 6) realistically, who would think about seriously dancing at the age of 34, going 35? 7) do not outshine others, this is the golden rule! 8) always put checks on your behavior and attitude; under no circumstances be your very true self; ah ah never ever worked. 8) remember, you have to wipe other people asses because they screw up and leave you to clean the mess; includes your own daughter 9) people need your help every time and all the time; help, if you can not help, avoid the people. 10) always think about work; always offer practical solutions, do not chill out, what kind of huge waste of time that is!
Go to hell, reason, as I said.
This is exactly why I am going to gracefully disregard all the recent reason's demands.
1)work for money 2) get more work for money 3) think about what impression you make on others; they might be your customers after all, read "money" 4) try to please every one else because this is the way to get less harmed 5) prepare to spend another 20 years of your life in Korea 6) realistically, who would think about seriously dancing at the age of 34, going 35? 7) do not outshine others, this is the golden rule! 8) always put checks on your behavior and attitude; under no circumstances be your very true self; ah ah never ever worked. 8) remember, you have to wipe other people asses because they screw up and leave you to clean the mess; includes your own daughter 9) people need your help every time and all the time; help, if you can not help, avoid the people. 10) always think about work; always offer practical solutions, do not chill out, what kind of huge waste of time that is!
Go to hell, reason, as I said.
Doing the work you believe in
I had a conversation with a friend today about doing the work you care about and thinking about it first and everything else, meaning money later. For me it is imperative to do the work I believe in with my heart. This is what I am doing now; it doesn't bring me money. But I am happy. My friend says that the love and care do not matter anymore because of where we are.
More than anything I value independence from anyone else and freedom to do my own thing-this is after all is all I want to do-to do my own thing. I have to balance what I want with people I love. I have to balance what I want with the reasonable and controlling me. Right now, all I want is to stop everything and train, and dance, and see where it takes me. i am not giving myself permission to do so. There is this alarm going inside me "no time later, time now, the only time now, i am getting old for this". But instead of getting off my ass and actually starting training, I am sitting for hours in front of computer and watching others dance.
More than anything I value independence from anyone else and freedom to do my own thing-this is after all is all I want to do-to do my own thing. I have to balance what I want with people I love. I have to balance what I want with the reasonable and controlling me. Right now, all I want is to stop everything and train, and dance, and see where it takes me. i am not giving myself permission to do so. There is this alarm going inside me "no time later, time now, the only time now, i am getting old for this". But instead of getting off my ass and actually starting training, I am sitting for hours in front of computer and watching others dance.
This is how to keep your cool
What makes a great dancer at heart is to be absorbed in your dance, and to have no slightest doubt that you can dance through and around all obstacles. The couple is Franko Formica and Oksana Nikoforova dancing rumba at a championship in Germany.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Swing -Shim Sham, Lindy Hop
Shim Sham is a kind of line dance from SWING family. You can call it shuffle along. It is great for social dancing, and everyone can follow which creates this unified motion of generally very happy looking people. Franky Manning was a very famous, incredibly talented, contagiously inspiring, and very loved Lindy hopper(from swing family again) and shim shammer. Lindy Hop born in 1930s was basically a blended cocktail of popular dances at that time: jazz, tap, breakaway, and Charleston. Think of it as a hybrid of black dance moves (since it originated in black communities in the USA) and white, European partner dance moves. I love the idea of hybrids, mixing, and combining. It is the very core of creativity.
Frankie Manning was a Lindy Hopper, as I mentioned. He innovated and creatively juiced up original Lindy Hop. He wowed public when he performed first air step in 1935. It means he and his partner left the ground while dancing at the same time. In simple terms, they didn't stop the dance to jump,they flew in the air while doing their steps. How cool is that, think about creativity giving you wings to fly.
Dead D
This beautiful young woman killed herself. I am not a fashion interest, but I like to read blogs, I like to find people who have their point of view, their attitude, who are outrageous enough to share, caring at the same time. It takes no guts to share coz you don't give a shit, but to to share and ask for understanding, to care enough to explain and express yourself takes courage and will. I took interest in her thoughts, her way to experience and interpret reality. Daul was a beautiful person.
Read her blog, you will understand. http://iliketoforkmyself.blogspot.com/.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
question of unfinished projects, is it lazyness or multitalented nature?
I often have hard times understanding myself. I am literally torn between a good number of equally exciting interests. I am keen on investing myself in all these unrelated and scattered works: dancing and being serious about becoming a salsa semi pro; following and researching all other imaginable and possible forms of dance; business, marketing, management, personal finance & investment, economics; graphic design & web design; interior design; neuroscience, cell research& cancer, magnetism & electricity; quantum physics; curriculum theorising; philosophy; traveling; education, teaching English, psychology- cognitive, behavioural, counseling; statistics and research; languages and culture; barrister art, coffee machines and perfect espressos; parenting; writing & public speaking; playing a musical instrument; evolution & Darwin; religions, spirituality, metaphysics. All of the above fascinates me and demands me to invest a good part of my attention and effort on itself very loudly and clearly. And, do I not try to do my best to spend time on all of my interests. As a result, I have projects and books unfinished, and my soul in flames of fire from intense desire to do all and overwhelming realization that I can not. It is not humanly possible. Sometimes I go into a stooper and slight depression because I know I want to do too much. Other times, I make attempts to balance my interests giving my attention to some of the major ones which I decide to pursue at this point of time.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Magna Gopal - dancing sensation
I love watching her dance because she invites to experience something bigger than dance. With her moves she takes me to the place of pure energies: zen and fluidity. She is ridiculously good. I would be mesmerized watching her and doing these circular rounds with my head and upper body because she drags me into her dance. She is seamless and effortless, she is in bliss. She is in this place of perfect balance.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Stalker
I was followed by a Korean stalker today after school. As I finished school and was leaving the school ground, I confronted a man on his motorcycle. Average weight, my height, wore a baseball cap, new balance grey and blue wind breaker, and same color sweat pants. He started talking to me: "welcome. you work here, and teach kids. where is Milak school?" I say: "I am not sure", and keep walking.
"wait. You speak korean. come here, and show me where the milak school is. you need to show me the directions. come closer." He gets off his motorcycle and follows me. As I realize that he is getting too close to me, at the reach of his arm, I start running away. He follows me walking in a fast pace, but not running. I walk quickly to the wider street, thinking he was left behind. He gets on his motorcycle, and catches up with me on the main street, yelling "hey, come here, I asked you about the school. I know where you work."
"If you talk to me again, and keep following me, I will call the police", I yell. The man nods his head and makes a calming gesture with his hand indicating he gets it, and no need for the police. I walk quickly to the subway. As I am about to enter the subway to take a train, I get a phone call from education office. Not wanting to be disturbed by subway noise, I decide not to go in. As I talk on the phone, I see the guy stalking around the subway. I just saw him buying a ticket and circling in distance from me. I realize I need to get rid of him now. I approach him and speak very loudly; "If you do not leave me alone right now, I am calling the police". He makes a step forward. At this point I quickly walk toward the subway guy who is passing by. I tell him this has been fallowing me for the past 30 mins walking here all the way from Milak, and now wanting to get on the subway with me. As I talk to the subway man, the stalker turns back and literally runs away. The subway man and a woman who is with him, smile at me, saying that there was actually nothing to be scared about because the stalker is not coming back. Overal, they dismiss my complain and downplay my distressed call. The time is 4:40. I get on the subway and go home. Interestingly, how Koreans just do not get alert because of such incident. A passeby woman who heard me yelling at the stalker guy came up to me and the subway people and tried to defend the stalker saying that he did not understand what I was saying, the poor man apparently was too confused and had no bad intentions whatsoever. It is just another Korean covering his fellowman's ass.
"wait. You speak korean. come here, and show me where the milak school is. you need to show me the directions. come closer." He gets off his motorcycle and follows me. As I realize that he is getting too close to me, at the reach of his arm, I start running away. He follows me walking in a fast pace, but not running. I walk quickly to the wider street, thinking he was left behind. He gets on his motorcycle, and catches up with me on the main street, yelling "hey, come here, I asked you about the school. I know where you work."
"If you talk to me again, and keep following me, I will call the police", I yell. The man nods his head and makes a calming gesture with his hand indicating he gets it, and no need for the police. I walk quickly to the subway. As I am about to enter the subway to take a train, I get a phone call from education office. Not wanting to be disturbed by subway noise, I decide not to go in. As I talk on the phone, I see the guy stalking around the subway. I just saw him buying a ticket and circling in distance from me. I realize I need to get rid of him now. I approach him and speak very loudly; "If you do not leave me alone right now, I am calling the police". He makes a step forward. At this point I quickly walk toward the subway guy who is passing by. I tell him this has been fallowing me for the past 30 mins walking here all the way from Milak, and now wanting to get on the subway with me. As I talk to the subway man, the stalker turns back and literally runs away. The subway man and a woman who is with him, smile at me, saying that there was actually nothing to be scared about because the stalker is not coming back. Overal, they dismiss my complain and downplay my distressed call. The time is 4:40. I get on the subway and go home. Interestingly, how Koreans just do not get alert because of such incident. A passeby woman who heard me yelling at the stalker guy came up to me and the subway people and tried to defend the stalker saying that he did not understand what I was saying, the poor man apparently was too confused and had no bad intentions whatsoever. It is just another Korean covering his fellowman's ass.
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